I’m smart. I really don’t give myself enough credit. So why would a smart woman like me be trying to make excuses for a man that has certainly given enough hints that he doesn’t want to be with me? Why would a smart woman tell herself that maybe eventually we could be together, that a fear of commitment is a reasonable excuse for a man to make her feel bad about herself? I’m done with that. I’m done making excuses, assuming he’ll come around and connecting my self worth with him. He is not a bad person. But he has told me all along, in many little ways that I am not “the one”. It’s me who has manipulated his words and actions into something that I wanted to hear/feel. I know that a fear of commitment has only to do with a knowledge that a person is not the right person. Because I overcame it. Unfortunately, it was with a person who believes that I am not the right person. Love is a crap shoot, eh?
This situation sucks, and it hurts and it makes me question everything that I held to be solid in my life. And I can either accept that, and build the roads necessary to move on and be a better person, or I can stay in this stagnant place that, face it, makes me feel bad about myself and doubt my self-worth. I choose the former. I have made a decision to date myself. I am taking myself out to the movies this afternoon, and I have already treated myself to a new book and hopefully soon, a bicicletta. I will make no more excuses, accept no more half-promises and I will not lower my standards because I am lonely.
2 Comments
right on sister. i’m proud of you.
January 19, 2009 at 11:18 pmYOU FUCKING TELL EM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 20, 2009 at 7:43 pm