Today is moving day. I started to move things yesterday to my new place in San Niccolò, and found when I arrived that my new room was filthy. I spent a lot of time cleaning, but there is still work to be done. I don’t know how long it’s going to take before I feel comfortable there. And to add to the lack of comfort, I am sad. Moving out of the place I’ve stayed in for months is one thing, but moving away from Cazzatore is quite another. He has found a new place as well, much farther from the city center than was desirable, but it was too good of a deal to pass up. And I don’t know what this means for “us”. My stomach is in knots and I am close to tears. So much change at once is a scary, scary thing. I will actually be on my own.
I have to remind myself that change is always scary though it usually works out for the better. It’s strange how a person can adapt to new situations so quickly. I’m counting on this ability to help get me through it. I need to get a job though, for not only financial reasons, but also to occupy me while my thoughts are a hurricane of change, loss and new horizons. I think this would be a lot easier if it wasn’t winter. I’m already a little bit blue in the winter, and having to change my life around again and live with strangers is certainly not helping.
I’m pretty sure that I will end up okay. But I have to keep reminding myself of this so that I won’t break down. After all, change is good for me, right?
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