Most of the trip went smoothly, although Cazz had a few of his moments that I hadn’t seen since the beginning of the pregnancy and our past rocky relationship. I was stunned and I realized that perhaps I was too secure in his complete change of behavior. It was really depressing and although he begs me to forget it and says he will make it up to me, I am frankly left reeling. Of course, one of his freak outs happened on the 13th and following into the 14th of February, as I should have suspected because we have a way of ruining “romantic holidays” such as anniversary dinners, Valentine’s day, etc. I guess the pressure is too great. Then the second freak out happens in the airport of Sao Paulo right before boarding a flight to Milan that would last about 12 hours. Great timing.

So here I am at 28 weeks, the size of an island and the characteristics of one too, left out alone in the middle of an ocean, wondering what the crashing waves will bring. He’s back to being good, but now the seed is there in the back of my mind and the words that can never be taken back echo softly in my head. Maybe we were never meant to be. Then again, maybe it was just the stress and the silence that came before this storm will return. In any case, I am reminded that Life does not always happen as expected and things can change at any moment. For now I will just pay attention, wait and hope that there is a way to move forward, in some direction.